


Leeds is not my home. You are.

by WasilewskiLover



Category: My Mad Fat Diary
Genre: F/M, Fluff
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-05-28
Updated: 2015-05-28
Packaged: 2018-04-01 16:59:28
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,852
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4027747
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/WasilewskiLover/pseuds/WasilewskiLover
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>This is settled in episode 5 of season 2. After being harassed by Saul, Rae leaves the party in Uffington and goes to see Finn. The only difference is that this time, Finn is still at home.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Leeds is not my home. You are.

I felt dirty.  
I felt like I was standing in a tunnel with no way out.  
With no light.  
With no possibility.  
No chances of getting out of there alive, or safe. 

It was past 10PM, I had no one to call and the only person who could have helped me right there, didn't seem to care. You have that person in your life, the one you should always be able to go to, and she couldn't give a shit.  
I recall I hadn't always be the best friend someone could wish for but, I couldn't believe that Chloe could leave me in that situation on my own.

My life was in pieces and I was the one who destroyed it but I needed someone to keep me sane. I needed someone to get me out of there. I needed... maybe that was it. I was the one who needed something and, since I had fucked up everything good about my life, now karma was getting back at me, like a bitch.  
I had always felt like garbage and, no matter those who cared about me, told me I was not, that I deserved better, that those people who took the piss out of me were just ignorant and that they needed to fuck off, I had always thought, deep down, they were right. I just never thought something like this would have happened to me.

I didn't know how I managed to get out of there but, thank God, I did.  
When you're home, safe from any danger, and you hear on the TV that someone, girl or boy, has been harassed, your automatic thought is “poor thing”. But then, there are those people, those knob heads, who think “well, she shouldn’t have dressed like that” or “well, of course he has been harassed, have you looked at him?”.  
They just don't realize that it shouldn't matter how do you look, how do you dress or weight. People should not be judging you or taking the piss or raping, for Christ's sake.  
The freedom of being ourselves should be the one thing they cannot touch and, instead, that's the first thing they take off of you. Because without freedom, you don't even belong to yourself anymore. You're just... well, you're just a lost soul. And that is what drives them. That's what keeps them alive and dangerous.

If I had just stayed at home, if I had said "no" to Chloe and her new friends, this would have never happened. If I just stayed home talking to...  
Finn.  
I had bailed on him. I had bailed on the one person who always stood up for me from the very beginning. And now, I was about to loose him forever.  
The only thing I had thought about, all the way from Uffington to my home, was that I just wanted to get to my bedroom, lock myself in and never getting out but now, all of a sudden, everything was clearer.  
If tonight did teach me something was that, life is one and that once you reach the one thing that makes you truly happy, you have to catch it and never let it go. I already made that mistake once, with Finn, and now was time to right my wrongs.  
I just wished it wasn't too late because loosing Finn, this time for good, meant that the light I was so desperately trying to find that night, was lost forever. 

Once I got to his house, I glimpsed his father in the driveway, with a few boxes. What on Earth was he doing at that time?

«Mr. Nelson, hi. What are you doing out here at this time of the night?» 

«Hi Rachel. Well, I should be asking you the same thing. It's quite late for a girl like you to be on the street on your own.» I nodded quietly.  
«Are you alright love? You don't seem yourself tonight. Something's wrong?» 

«No, I'm fine, thank you Mr. Nelson. I was at a party with a friend but I needed to get back.»

«Enough with the Mr. Nelson thing. Just call me Robert. You're looking for Finn, I presume.»

«Yes, that's right. Is he at home?»

«Yes, Rae, but I think he's already asleep. Big day tomorrow, you know?» I shaked my head in disapproval. I did not know...  
«He told me he told you. He's going to Leeds, Rae.»

«Oh yeah, he did tell me but... tomorrow already?»

«Yeah, he just wants to get off. But maybe you can change his mind. I don't want him to miss out college but I'm the father, he won't listen to me. But you might just be the answer. He cares about you and your opinion. Just go in and check his bedroom. See if he's awake.» I smiled back at him, a little embarrassed for his last words. I just hoped they were true. 

«Thank you Mr. Nelson... I mean, Robert. I'll see you later.»

It was strange, going back to his house, and he was not there welcoming me in. Once we got together I never thought I could live without him, and yet, there I was, Finn Nelson's EX girlfriend. All the reasons that led me to leave him were still standing but now I knew something I didn't before. He would have waited for me, for when I would be ready to take my clothes off in front of him, and we would have been happy even without the sex, because we were so much bigger than that.  
Standing at his bedroom's door, softly knocking, with my heart full with hope, all my fears disappeared in a moment. Finn was the only certainty in my life.

«Dad, I am trying to sleep, what the hell do you... oh, Rae. Hi. What are you doing here?» He just got out of bed and he still was the sexiest man I had ever seen in my life.

«I'm sorry I didn't want to bother you.»

«You didn't. You never do.» 

«I know it's late but I wanted to talk to you. Can we do that?»

«Of course. Come on in, then.» He curved his lips in one of those smiles he was used to reserve for me and pointed at his bed with his hand. Sitting there, next to him, shirtless, in all his glory, made me wince a little but I had to be strong. This was an important conversation for us and I needed to keep my head in the game.

«So, your dad told me you're going to Leeds tomorrow. I thought we were going to talk about that a little more.»

«Yeah but, I just can't stay here anymore. There's nothing left for me here, you said it yourself.» When did I ever say that?  
«Plus, Leeds seems to be a nice place to live in. It's gonna be my new home.» His new home? 

«You mean, you're not thinking about coming back here at all? What about the guys?»

«The guys will live without me. Plus, we have telephones.» 

«What about me then?» He turned his face and raised his eyebrows to me for the first time during that entire conversation.

«What about you Rae?» 

«I'm not sure I can do this without you being here.»

«Shit Rae... you can't do this to me.»

«What am I doing?» It was just an usual talk between friends. Nothing more. 

«Look, I know I said I wanted to be friends again, that I missed you but... I can't do this anymore. We can't be friends. We just can't.»

«That's why you're leaving? Because we are friends again? You don't want me in your life so you disappear?»

«What? No, that's not...»

«Because if this is the case I'll walk out of your life. I swear. I'd do anything for you, you know that. I don't wanna be the reason why you leave the town you were born, your father, your friends. I'll step aside, just... stay.»

«You are fucking unbelievable Rae. I asked you, less then two hours ago, if there were reasons why I should have stayed and you stood there, looking at me, telling me you had to go to a fucking party somewhere and now, you're here, at 11PM, in my bedroom, telling me I should stay?»

«Yes.» I didn't know what to say anymore. Everything was right as he putted it and I had been a dickhead for the entire time he had been to my home.

«Yes? That's all I get? A fucking yes?»

«What do you want me to say?»

«I don't need to tell you what you should say, you need to know for yourself.» His voice was now loud and clear. He was definitely mad at me. And all the tears that I kept to myself that night were now washing off my face.

«You want to hear me saying I'm sorry? Well, I am sorry, Finn. I am sorry for being a dickhead. I am sorry for treating you like shit. I am sorry for going to that stupid party instead of staying there with you and telling you that, no, you shouldn't leave, because lots of people care about you, and they are right here.» I kept sobbing and walking around the room through the all speech and Finn was staring at me from his bed, following me with his eyes. He knew this wasn't the time for him to talk.  
«You shouldn't leave because I can't do this without you. I mean I can, but it would be painful as hell. I need you by my side but I know it's not my decision. You need to know what's best for you and I can't tell you what to do.» His head was in his hands now and I thought he was about to cry when I heard a laugh. It wasn't a laugh of joy, of course, but still. A laugh.  
«What are you laughing about now?»

«It's just... that's the first time you say it's not your decision. You decided we should have break up, you decided we could be friends again, you, you, you, always you. And the one time I ask you to decide, to tell me what to do, you say it's not your decision.»

«I am sorry, it was a mistake Finn and...»

«What was it? Us? No, we were the one right thing in all of this. And I don't know why you didn't see it.»

«No, I was saying it was a mistake leaving you. The biggest mistake of my life.» He was staring at me, with his usual puppy eyes and this time, there was no hiding. A tear came down and scratch his beautiful face. One moment he was sitting on the bed and the next one he was on his knees, his face in my hands and mine in his. 

«What did you just say?»

«That it was the biggest mistake of my life. I... I love you Finn. I always have.»

«Girl I love you, too. Like crazy.» He pressed his lips on mine in a chaste and soft kiss and, in that kiss, all the words we never said to each other, all those feeling we kept aside in those last days, were rushing in, happy to explode. Still close to my mouth he whispered something like 'thank you' but I didn't really got it.

«What?»

«Thank you.» I guess a giant question mark popped on my face at that time because he continued with an answering smile. «Thank you for coming back to me. I was going insane girl.»

«You're welcome, dickhead. I missed you, too.» 

We were on his bed once again, laying next to each other, heads bumping, hearts racing, lips sharing hot kisses. Everything was perfect but, at the same time, it was leading towards the sex and, it was the time for that talk.

«Finn, I need to talk to you.»

«Sure babe. Whatever you want.»

«You don't have to be so nice and compliant with me. I'm not going anywhere if you say no. »

«You promise?» He was so scared of the idea of me leaving him and I couldn't blame him at all. I had been a bitch to him but no more. It was time to face reality and to be honest with him.

«You won't get rid of me so easily, Finnely. But there are some things we need to talk about that might scare you away.»

«You can tell me whatever you want Rae, I won't ran anywhere. But don't talk to me about that Saul guy. If between you two something happened, well, I don't wanna know.» Hear him say that name, shocked me deep and I automatically started to cry. I never planed on telling about what happened with Saul, because knowing Finn, I knew he was going to punch him, pretty hard, but, I couldn't avoid the speech forever.  
«Hey girl, don't cry. I'm sorry, should have I not brought him up?»

«No, it's not you. I'm sorry, I shouldn't cry about this. He doesn't deserve the satisfaction.» His eyes were fully black and his jaw was strict. He already knew something bad had happened.

«Rae, what happened at the party? You went with him right?»

«No, I went with Chloe but then we met those guys there.»

«And Saul was there, too?» I nodded.  
«What happened Rae? I'm getting really worried right now.» Words couldn't come out of my mouth. It was too painful but once, his arms wrapped me around, everything was suddenly easier.  
«You know what? You don't have to tell me. I'm here now. Nothing bad will happen to you. I swear Rae, I promise you. You're safe.»

«He tried to...» God, this is was difficult.

«Did he try to kiss you?» I shook my head and whispered 'no'. His body tensed up.  
«Did he... did he try to take your clothes off?» I nodded, silently crying. He was about to loose all his self-control.  
«I swear Rae, I'm gonna kill that bastard. You don't need to fear him anymore. I'll protect you.»

«I don't want you to do anything Finn, please you have to promise me, you won't do anything.»

«How can you ask me that?»

«Because I need you here and not behind bars. Please Finn.» His arms were still around my waist so I knew that was a good sign. I expected him to walk around the room, throwing stuff at the wall but he stayed calm, as far as possible, and somehow I managed to keep him that way. I, however, couldn't stop my tears from coming down like a river.

«He told me that I should be grateful that someone wanted to take my clothes off because well, you know... just look at me.»

«You are so beautiful Rae, you have to believe me. You are the most precious and pretty girl I've ever met. I'm so lucky to have you.» 

«I know you're just trying to be nice but, you never saw me naked, Finn. You don't know who I am under these clothes.»

«I know that underneath those clothes, there's the most perfect girl on the planet and if that jerk made you feel any different than that, he'll get what he deserves.»

«No, you won't do anything Finn. If tonight has taught me something, is that we have to take care about the people and the things we love the most and, I love you Finn. I love you so much.»

«I know girl, I love you, too. Stop crying now, you're ok. Everything is over.»

«I'm so glad I got you back Finn. In the middle of all this mess, you're the light at the end of the tunnel. If I couldn't find you here tonight, I don't know if I could have pull this through.»

«You could have, trust me. You're strong, the strongest girl on Earth. And you're my girl, Rachel Earl.» We were laughing.

«Don't call me Rachel, dickhead.»

«Right, and you don't call me dickhead. Because you are.»

He was hugging me with his usual love and softness and, although I felt lost in that hug, I saw his suitcase in the corner of the room. I didn't notice it until now.

«So, what are you going to do with that?» I pointed the suitcase with my finger.

«I'll have to unpack, I guess.» 

«So, you're not going to Leeds anymore?»

«No.»

«But I thought...»

«You thought what?»

«I though Leeds was going to be your new home.» I was clearly teasing him, about the speech he gave the minute I walked in his room that night.

«Leeds in not my home, Rae. You are.»

And in that moment, once he placed his lips onto mine, I knew we didn't need to talk about sex. He knew he should've have to wait but, he didn't seem to care. He loved me enough to wait for me. And I loved him even more for that.


End file.
